Subject: Crying, painful nights, Blossoms everywhere, 2 Days Alone with HowardFrom:    NancyDate:    Fri, 16 Mar 2007 23:59:17 -0800To:      Maggie Lumps are appearing in unexpected places all over my body.Tears in my eyes.Help is appearing in unexpected places.More tears in my eyes.I want to use my imagination more for happiness.I have been using it to imagine things to make, or buy, or give to people I love, After I die.Should haves and shoulds appear.Accompanied by tears.Pain comes.I'm always saying "I don't know."What is that poem by HafizWhere he welcomes everyone at the door,Laughing?(Fear, Resentment, etc.)I forgot where I put my Love,Or whether I remembered to buy seeds for next year's garden. I want to plant something that takes two years to bloom.I want to prove to people that I am capable of learningof remembering, something new on the computer, or how to use my camera.I don't want to be told what to do.I chose sleep over breathing classAnd now, this over sleep.I called up someone I missed.I miss someone I haven't called.Behind on my thank yous.Two weeks after surgery,I was out in the garden, twisting,Lifting heavy stones,Making a place for flowers,I still want to do what is right.But I don't know what that is.And I would rather be happy, anyway.

Goodbye and Hello - To Love and Let Go                         To my mother, Rachel Hover           on Sunday, November 3, 2002 from Nancy     I'm trying to say I love you with words - and a kiss.I'm trying to say goodbye, and how much you'll be missed.I'm trying to write a poem for you, but ending with a list.I`m trying to paint a picture of how you'll always be.Alive and well, in my heart, whenever what I see    Reminds me… We loved    Daffodils in the spring    The smell of fresh baked bread    Walking in the woods    Blackberry crisp    Lucky stones    Snowdrops    Word games    Cracking hickory nuts    Violets and trilliums    The Psalms    Making hollyhock dolls    Feeding giraffes - and birds!    The shapes of Sassafras leaves    Swimming the side stroke    Children playing    Dressing "Egyptian" on Halloween    Reading books    Christmas carols    Reading more books!    lilies of the Valley    Being at "home"    Anything hand-made, with love.     The list of loved and lost is long.     But angels sing a welcome song!     I'm sad, and glad, to let you go.                       I'll miss the way you said,                                    "Hello!"

Hold Me I am the glow of health        The irrepressible smile            Of happinessFully alive        In my body                But not of it.I am one of the sparkles        Of the sun                On the lakeA silent explosion        On the surface                Of the dark                        The deep                                Calm.I am the song        My voice cannot singHold me        In the arms of your mind                A perfect expression                        Of well-being.                 Nancy Hover                    October 2006

Moon Puddle From where I stood todayAnd looked at my children,I wished I could add and subtract. But walking tonight,Half moon to my back,A sudden rain of gratitude fell. Happiness welled up in me,Bursting through the dark,Reaching to meet the rain. Turning toward moonlight,Love dissolved my arithmeticAnd overflowed Till I stood in a perfect puddleLooking at the half moonKnowing it full. Nancy HoverJune 2005

Sierra Falling StarA song for Sierra from Mommy, 1990 You are everything I wished for, my Sierra Falling Star.Everything I wished for, you are. You are the sparkle of the lake,The wing of a bird,The sound of a waterfall,As welcome in Spring as the first flower,As soft as a new snowfall. You are everything I wished for, my Sierra Falling Star,Everything I wished for, you are.You are the warmth of the sun,The kiss of the dew,The hum of the bumblebee,As fresh as the air right after the rain, You're the call of the chickadee.You are everything I wished for, my Sierra Falling StarEverything I wished for, you are.

toHowardfrom NancyJuly 16, 1989 Sierra Images Skies crystal clear,Skies of confusion;Lions' and dragons'Gargoylish illusionsA rose-colored space ship,Scallops and plumes;A night hawk hatchingfrom aft egg-shaped moon. Petrified birthmarks,Suspenders on rocks,A marmot's shrill warning."Avoid the roadblocks!" Rock towers, rock flowers,Flickers and caves;Shadows; reflections,Kisses and waves. Shining and diningNeedles and pins,Sewing the memoryOf images in. The Who of the Windon God's crystalline EyeMaking diamonds and diamonds,Sparkle and cry.

Summer Song, 2006 I sang this one into Being on my walks around the Lakeevery morning.  Then one day, I could not sing. I am the Song, not the Voice My mind can go in all directionsBut I am free. I'm free,I knowOn this path I walk in beautySimply loving what is so. On this path I walk in peaceAs the gentle breezes blow.Though I never look behind me,In each footprint a flower grows. And the sun warms my way and makes it clearAnd the rain washes 'way all my fear.Shame, blame, and doubt disappearFor my mind is on the One,The radiance of my inner sun,My mind is on the Good now and here. My thoughts can go in alldirectionsBut I embrace and bringthem homeTo the dancing lights andlaughterTo the sweet melody of Om.

The Me of Me I amAnd there is a Me of meThat always wasAnd is - And will be. I am Love.Even when I'm lonely,Hurt, afraid, sad, angryOr all of the aboveThe Me of me Is always lovingAlways loved. I am Peace.Even though the world may tryTo push and shove meMake me cryThere is a stillnessDeep insideWhere Peace resides. I am Beauty.Even when no one seesWhen I forgetOr don't believeThe Me of meAlways was, IsAnd will be - Beauty. I am Light.Even in the darkest nightEven when I want to hideOr feel the deepest blue insideThe Me of me is bright.I am Light. Whenever I choose to uncoverThe Me of me and find - I love her!It changes how I look at youWhat I think and say and do.I see what's true for the Me of meIs also true for the You of you. We are the rays of One Sun,Brilliant, full of power.We're each a word in a Love Poem,Petals of a Lotus Flower.You and I are One together,Notes of a precious Song.We are drops in the OceanOf God. We belong!

Walking A SongForests are growingSeeds are sowingLight shining through the leaves.I'm walking a songAnd singing alongKnowing I'm where I should be.The trees were burnedBut Life returnedAnd the song of a bird is for free.The bud is doomedWhen the flower bloomsBut everything's as it should be.Butterflies flyingWithout even tryingSun shining on you and me.There's nothing to holdWhile my dreams unfoldInto everything that they can be.Pt. ReyesNancy Hover June 2005

       You and MeAnd the Lake        Of the Dancing TreesDark   under the quilted sky,     the lake lay,       resting peacefully,when my dream exploded           right outside the tent!You   went on sleeping.Me   running fast      over cobblestones         through deserted streets             looking behind in fear.while You                stood,   delighting in the busy hum,      admiring the shiny metal,        savoring          the dripping                          honey. Lighning struck.    I bound, surefooted,      up the mountain,Fear,   caught in my throat,       fast          home            coughed it out   and sat in the rain,                            sweating.You,   drugged by sensations      and the sense of no shoulds,Caught unaware   on the seesaw      between not enough                       and too much,Seared by the thirsty sun,   skin moisture sucked up like snow     and spit out                in ice balls.Thunder   was not enough.                  You danced for more.Me,  searching for constellations    among my freckles,Dot to dot,  rock to rock,    butterscotch pine puzzling,      “How do I fit into this,So small here,   crouched by the water,                under the Milky Way.?”Out of the corner of your eye   you swore     by moonlight, starlight,      (firelight, flashlight?),   you caught the trees      looking at you         from on stage…                       and dancing.You,   still ,     looking within.Me,   moving, looking out,     intrigued by bird and bug,                                   and flower,       and          how things changed                          since last year.The lake -  a mirror,    holding us both.Tomorrow,   may we walk in beauty      away from the lake               of the dancing trees,Back to our poor               lives of luxury,  hot showers over burnt skin –     but under layers        of lotions, and pain,Oceans   of beauty                within.          for Diane, with love –              nancy hover